


The Truth Untold

by orphan_account



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Saeran-centric, a lot of feelings, also based on a Bts song, based on V routes last few days, focuses on ray though, so songfic it is iguess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 02:21:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14760779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A little drabble on Saeran's (or Ray's) feelings during the last days of V's route





	The Truth Untold

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, hello, it is I, your local Saeran stan! I wanted to write something for this boy for so, sooo long and here we finally are. So, I hope you enjoy as much as I did when writing this :D
> 
> Based on The Truth Untold By BTS
> 
> ps. once again, english isn't my first language, so be gentle

_In this garden full of flowers of loneliness, full of thorns,_

_I hung myself in this sand castle_

****

He let his cold, slender fingers caress the red button. God, there were so many ways he imagined this to go. Maybe the elixir would finally be too much, maybe the savior would throw him out because of his own incompetence, hell, maybe he would end up being his own demise, but this? This was not something he would've thought, not even in his wildest dreams. Ray, poor little Ray, ending it all for someone other than himself or his so called savior. That was a day we all, Ray himself included, didn't think would ever come.

Though, when he thought about it, this was not the ideal place to die. It definitely was not an ideal way to go, either. Rather, he thought he would just one day collapse in the middle of the garden, the flowers that he loved so much surrounding him, the blue sky above him remaining as unchanging as always, even when his eyes, now colored mint from his trauma, would finally close. He always found the thought relieving and comforting. At least he had until she came along.

 

_What is your name? Do you have a place to go? Oh, could you tell me?_

_I saw the you who hid in this garden_

****

To be honest, when Ray first saw her, he wasn't that impressed. Which was probably due to the fact that he might have been hidden in the back of his head, in that dark corner that he sometimes was thrown into. So that he wouldn't get in _his_ way. It was a little pathetic, he knew that, but what else could he have done? He wasn't strong or smart, he was weak. Useless.

He couldn't deal with the pain, so he had to go away, disappear for a while. And that was something he despised himself for. Which was why he deserved to go like this. He couldn't bear to face her again, not after the horrible things he said to her. She had been so, so good to him and _he_ had said all those hurtful things to her, threatening her and the people she cared for. He wanted to apologize, to tell her he was so sorry for everything and that he never meant those awful things he said. But he couldn't. Because he was a coward and a good for nothing.

 

_And I know, all of your warmth is true, the hand that picks blue flowers,_

_I want to hold it_

****

She, on the other hand, was perfect. An angel, in Rays eyes. She was good, brave and clever, all the things he could never even hope to be. Most importantly, she was real. The kindness behind her warm eyes was true, there were no ulterior motives to her actions. She smiled at him because she was happy, she asked about his day, because she genuinely wanted to know how he was, she walked in the garden with him just because he asked her. And when he stopped to marvel at the flowers she would too. Then he would tell her about the flowers meaning in flower language and she would listen, nodding every now and then.

 

-

 _"_ _The_ _flower language of the blue rose is impossible, unattainable."_ _Ray observed her reaction to this before continuing._

 **** _She hummed curiously, running her fingers through her long brown hair. Then she reached her delicate hand to touch the flower, as if testing it. A sad, somehow familiar smile appeared on her lips as she traced her fingers on the petals. Her eyes shone in the moonlight, almost like she wanted to cry, but was holding it in. This made Ray panic._

 _"_ _Wa-wait!_ _Please don't_ _be sad I- I didn't mean-"_

" _Oh no, you didnt do anything, it's fine."_ _She interrupted him. "_ _I was just thinking that it's r_ _eally sad. I mean..the flower is beautiful, right?"_

_He nodded this time._

_"_ _S_ _o I just_ _..don't_ _understand why it has such a sorrowful meaning."_

 

_-_

 

 _But it's my fate,_ _don't_ _smile on me,_ _light on me, because I can't_ _come_ _to you, there's_ _no name you can call me_

_**** _

She had been right, she always was after all. Ray allowed himself to let out a giggle, sounding like a maniac. Which he honestly was, at least to some degree. He wasn't that excited about this, though it was the saviors plan. It was because his angel had commented on the flowers. What would she say, if she happened to visit the scene? She would be disappointed, for sure. All of the blue roses that she adored would be burned to the ground. Maybe she would hate him even more after that. But then again, she would probably find it troublesome, if Ray worried for her.

Why did it have to be so hard? If this were just about him, it would be so much more easier. He could just flip the switch and boom. It'd be done. The end. For the pathetic, useless Ray and _him._

 

 _You know that I can't_ _show you me, give you me,_

 _I can't_ _show you my pathetic self_

_**** _

That would solve it, right? If he was gone, she wouldn't have to bother with him anymore. She would no longer cry for him. That sounded good indeed. In truth, Ray hated seeing her cry. He didn't want her to be unhappy, especially because of him. He would rather die than make her sad. But there was a part of him that thrived from seeing her shiver in fear and hearing her cry out desperately, pleading someone, anyone, to save her. It was there and he couldn't erase it. Because he wasn't strong enough. But now he had the means to do it. It was the switch in his hand that could save her from _him._ So it wasn't a tough decision. It was either him or her. And any given day the answer was her. That meant that he had to be strong, for once in his life. Not for himself, but for her.

 

_Once again, I put on a mask and go to see you_

****

_But I still want you_

****

Yes, strong. It wouldn't take long, he knew what to do now. But before that, he had to say his goodbyes. To the castle, the garden. So he got up from his seat, leaving the eerie lights of the monitor screen behind and opened the door, stepping out into the hallway. He walked until he came to her door, raising his hand to knock out of habit. The sound echoed in the empty hallway, almost hurting Ray's ears. It had been quiet for so long, it was like a window cracking. There was no answer to the knock. Of course there wasn't.

"She's not here, she's gone, you moron." His voice was raspy. Interesting. Must've been from all the crying and whining he did earlier.

So he breathed in, out, in, out. He turned the door knob. The door squeaked, a horrible sound, like straight out of a horror movie. Her scent greeted him the second the door opened. God, he had almost forgotten it. It was so sweet and comforting he almost convinced himself that everything was fine. But the second he looked up, that feeling disappeared. The flowers he gave her were wilted. There were brown, dried petals scattered on her bed. In fact, the beautifully wrapped bouquet was laying on it. The wase the flowers were in was in pieces on the floor.

 _I did this._ Tears gathered in his eyes at the realization. How could he? He remembered picking them from the garden himself, carefully thinking about their meanings before putting them together, just for her.

 

_Bloomed in a garden of loneliness, a flower that resembles you, I wanted to give it to you_

****

_After I take off this foolish mask_

****

He hurt her, again. But there was nothing he could do to fix it. The deed was done, surely she had seen the chatrooms. A sob escaped Ray, shaking his whole body. And he couldn't even say sorry.

 **** _...the flower is beautiful, right?_

 **** Her voice echoed in his head, gentle like a summer breeze. Tears still in his eyes he looked around, as if he could see her, if he really wanted to. Then he got it.

"Yes, it is beautiful. You're right, you know that? " He spoke the words in the cold room lit by the moonlight.

 

-

 _"_ _Is_ _\- I mean, are you okay?"_ _Her eyes turned to meet his._

 **** _Ray stared a while. There was concern in her face, probably due to the fact that he sounded a little sad. This girl was truly something, to be able to sense that little change in his tone. The thought brought a sad smile on Ray's face. The brunette in front of him frowned, tilting her head to see his face more clearly. God, she was even more beautiful than the rose she so admired. Staring at her, he almost told her everything right then and there. He almost considered just letting it all out, telling her about the RFA, the savior and about the man named Choi Saeran._

_But then, a heavy cloud shoured the full moon and it was dark. Choi Saeran could no longer see the features of his beloved angel. No shiny eyes filled with unspilled tears, no long hair shining under the moonlight. He went blind. So he nodded, wondering if she could even see him._

**"** _Me? I'm_ _doing fine now that you're_ _here."_

****

_That earned him a laugh._

 

_-_

 

_But I know I can never do that, I must hide because I am ugly_

_**** _

Ray sighed. The least he could do for her was to bid his farewells to the garden,- the flower. So he took one last look to the room, trying to burn it in his memory. Then he turned his back on the wilted flowers (on _him)_ and continued to the exit. The hallways really were quite. He could hear his steps.

When he reached the exit and pushed the double doors open, the night air filled his lungs. The wind played with his bleached hair. This wasn't that bad, he thought as his tears were blown away by the wind. He had definitely had worse last nights. But his priority right now was flower first, self-hate second. So he stepped forward, looking around the garden, trying to locate the blue rose. Until a song broke the silence. It was his phone. Who could call him now..? The savior hadn't mentioned anything and all the other believers were already out of here, so..

"It's you." He couldn't say anything else. He didn't know what he could possibly say to her.

"What were you up to?" Her cheery voice came through the phone.

"..You called to ask how I was doing." A pause. She didn't comment on it. Good.

"I was.." What was he doing? Looking for some rose she said she found beautiful a week ago? It sounded really dumb now that he thought about it. "Well, you see, I was cleaning up the surrounding areas."

No reply. God, he was going to start crying again. Please, not now. It may as well be the last time Ray would get to talk to her and if he screwed this up, there would be no hope for him.

"You know..I can't forget the times I spent with you. All of those times were so precious to me. I actually questioned whether its alright for me to...just be happy."

"I enjoyed those times as well, you know." She was being honest, he could hear it from her voice. Relief spread through him.

"Oh..that makes me feel glad, really. But my eyes just keep watering for some reason.." He wiped his tears in the back of his glove, voice hoarse.

But truly, she enjoyed spending time with him, huh? If only he could manage to tell her he was sorry for everything, he could leave peacefully.

"Funny..I'm actually really happy right now...I'm so happy to listen to your voice, so..why? " He was sobbing now. He couldn't hold the tears back anymore. It hurt, it hurt so much to hear her and not see her.

"Did you know that you have this unique habit when you talk?" He asked instead. There was no reason to leave her to worry for him, after all.

"...what kind of a habit?"

Ray allowed himself to laugh a little."So you don't know, huh? I don't think I'm going to tell you then..I feel like this habit that only I knew about would disappear if I did."

"I'll keep it a secret. This habit of yours that even you dont know about." _I'll_ _take it to my grave,_ he added in thought.

"Anyways, I'm ( _sorry_ )...I liked it. Getting to know you one by one like this."

"The more I learned about you, the...no, whenever you talked to me, my heart would raise." He went on. She had to know. He was so fucking terrified of what she would say, but she needed to know this.

 

 _I'm afraid_ _,_ _I'm_ _pathetic,_ _I'm_ _so afraid_

_that you will leave me again in the end_

****

_Once again I put on a mask and go to see you_

****

"At first, I didn't know what it was, because..I've never experienced something like this before. This..umm fluttery feeling, you could say. But you...you taught me what it was. And as days went by, I think at some point I came to treasure you in my heart." Ray stopped to rub his eyes and sniffed.

"You know, I really like you...a lot. I really, really like you. It's like..you showed me a completely different world. And as a result, this attic-like world of mine widened. So,...I wanted to thank you for that. Thank you..thank you so much.."

"I thank you too, Ray." His eyes widened. Of course, he should've known.

"Haha...I knew youd say that." Ray sighed, starting again.

"You know, youre a really warm person and..I wanted to be happy with you." No response. It didn't matter at this point, he did everything he could to make her understand his feelings for her.

"I didn't have the courage to call till the last minute so...I'm glad you called. Thank you. I just wanted to say that. Thank you..and I love you." He looked at the sky. The moon was very bright. Much like that night.

"Well...I think it's time for me to hang up-"

"Wait!! Ray!" Her voice sounded...worried. Like she knew something was wrong.

"....Just remember that my love for you was sincere."

"Ray please, listen to me-"

"Goodbye, my love. You...must become much happier than I was." He hang up after that.

 

_The only thing I can do in this garden, in this world, is to bloom a pretty flower that resembles you and breathe as the me that you know_

****

_But I still want you_

****

_I still want you_

****

Hearing her voice had been a relief but also a confirmation. Ray knew what he had to do now. He'd keep breathing as Ray in her memories, but he would die as Choi Saeran and no one else. It was poetic in a way, he supposed. But he felt like he was being unfair, regardless. She had sounded worried, kind of like that night in the garden under the full moon. Oh, if only he would've had the courage to tell her everything back then. He truly wished he could. But if she had heard it now, it would've just burdened her. Ray didn't want that. He wanted her to be happy, even if it wasn't with him.

He downed his gaze to the blue flowers. So very nostalgic they were, though it had not been even two weeks since his personal flower left. He sighed into the cold night air, carefully taking his short gloves off. He reached his hand to touch the rose, the same way his angel had done days ago. As if he could feel the gentle brush of her fingers against his, by some miracle. But he knew it was impossible, so he picked up the rose instead, observing it carefully. He let out a chuckle at the irony, placing the flower in his suit pocket.

It was time to finish his job.

 

_Maybe back then, just a little, just this much, if I got the courage to stand before you, would everything be different now?_

****

His steps echoed in the hallway again. This was pretty funny if you thought about it. Dying. It's ironic how many excuses you mind makes, really. _Oh, but you have unfinished business with this person/ Think about that one time you made a mistake, dude, you gotta fix it before you do something dumb, like this._ For Ray, it was irritating. There were so many possibilities running in his mind, because his mother was right, savior was right. He was a stubborn little bug who could never just stop and give up. But all the while, he was also very scared. The world out there wouldn't accept him. That had to be true, his savior told him that, after all. He wouldn't survive out there, she said.

That's what he told himself, though various thoughts kept coming up in his mind. How he'd be able to meet his brother again if he went, if he just took the courage and walked out of here right now. He'd be able to have lots of ice cream, see lots of flowers, stare at the sky for as long as he wanted. And then there was his angel, his flower. But she wasn't his, not really. She was V's. 

So what was the point, really? Everyone would leave in the end. Ray was fine with that. He wasn't worth much, anyways. But Saeran wasn't as self-deprecating. So there was only one thing the firstly mentioned could do.

 

 _I'm crying at this disappeared, fallen, sand castle that's_ _left alone_

****

_Looking at the broken mask_

****

He couldn't let someone like Saeran to come in contact with his beloved. He was sure nothing good would come out of it. She could be hurt, ruined. Just like the wilted flowers Ray had seen on her bed. So, he would go out with a boom, so to speak. To protect her. Of course he'd be lying if he said this was completely a selfless act. It was his own weakness that had brought everything to this point.

 _There's_ _one thing youre right about, you useless moron._ His head split. Ray cried in pain, his vision going white for a second.

 _No, not now,_ he cried out to himself. He was almost in the computer room, just a few more steps. Just a few more felt like miles now. He couldn't, the pain was too much he couldn't, he was weak, a weakling he couldn't-

 _That's ri_ _ght!! Ding ding you moron, time's up. Time to go to sleep, get some shut-eye._ A sinister cackle echoed in Ray's head. Oh, it was like hell. He swore back and stumbled his way to the door. To the computer room.

A crash. Ray ended up on the floor, gloveless hand reaching out to the chair, the remote on it. He had to reach it. For her. God, he really wished he would've told her everything that day under the moonlight by the blue roses. Maybe he could've saved himself. And her in the process. Well, only one of them had the choice right now. He managed to drag himself upright, collapsing onto his chair. It had to be now. _He_ was going to be here soon and Ray was already panicking. 

 _.._ _.going to, huh? Push that button then, will you? We'll s_ _ee just how soon you'll_ _meet your end, Ray._

  **"** Yo-you mean we're both going to end it here." His voice was raspy, but Ray managed a response out loud.

He grabbed the remote, a slight smile forming on his lips. He thought about his angel, his real savior. He thought about her sad eyes when she looked at the blue rose, wondering it's sadness but admiring its beauty all the same. He thought about her words, her soft voice. Now that he was laying here, he had to agree with her. There was no need for the language of the flower to be so sorrowful and yet it was. No reason behind it, really. It just was. ****  
****

"I'm so sorry, my love." This time he spoke to the rose in his pocket. Though the words were meant for the flower in his heart.

"But I'll make sure to..uhh...never let him or me hurt you again." It hit Ray. God, he really did love her.

He loved her warm, amber eyes, her long brown hair, her soft voice and her gentle yet wise persona. Oh, he loved her smile too. She was so pretty when she smiled up at him. That reminded him, Ray missed her laugh. He hadn't heard it in a while. What a shame. A good way to go would be by listening to it. This was pretty dumb, huh. He was only realizing this now, of all times.

 

_And I still want you_

****

_But I still want you_

 

 _"_ It's goodbye then, officially."

He thought about her, mostly when he said it. It was also a kind of a plead to his brother, in case he ever found out. In case he still cared. Savior (and Saeran) both said he didnt, but...maybe, just in case. Speaking of his savior, it was a goodbye to her as well. Despite everything, she had still..well, she had still basically raised him from the moment his mother died.

 _Don't y_ _ou dare press that button, you airhead!! YOU HEAR ME?!_ Ray's vision went white for a second again.

He supposed it was a goodbye to himself, too. He let his finger take their place, closed his eyes one last time to see..her. She was smiling, a sunny sky behind her. It was behind a large glass window, with a view to the ocean. Her brown hair tangled in the wind as did the cute, blue summer dress she was wearing. Then she turned away from him, looking at the ocean. Ray almost called out to her, until he saw someone else approach her. It was a man, with longish hair. _V_ , the thought said. He walked behind her, wrapping his arms around her in a backhug. The brunette turned her head, a smile on her face, looking at the the mint haired man. There was adoration and happiness on her face. Ray felt a tear on his cheek, but his eyes remained close.

"Remember my love, you must be happy. Always." He spoke for the last time and pressed his finger down.

****

_YOU FUCKING AIRHEAD, DON'T-_

****

And then, the lonely castle was no more and neither was the lonely garden. The flames left only sherds from the so called "paradise".

****

_But I still want you_

****

_And I still want you_

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> And finish! I've been listening to the new album a LOT and since this was my favourite track, I wanted to write something with it and BOOM I got inspired bc the lyrics reminded me of Saeran in some ways
> 
> Anyways, hope you had fun reading!


End file.
